CHAPTER 21: ON HIS DEMAND

(GUILT!)

Arnav couldn't register that she had confessed her love for him. She just had called him, her family. 

He too fell on his knees, in shock, in front of her.

His mind wasn't suggesting anything to him. He just stared at her as she wept.

"I love you!" that Khushi just had said to him buzzed like a music in his head. 

The woman in front of him had just said the three magic words to him, that he never ever imagined that he would hear from her and for the first time he felt that he didn't deserve to hear them.

 Khushi's sobs reverberated in the room and they gashed his heart.

 It was more hurtful than any other pain he could ever thought of.

The woman, in front of him, has given him the best news in the world. But he felt an utter shame at himself. Because he knew what he had done to hear that news. 

He had forced himself on her, the harsh reality hit me like a bullet, right in his heart drilling his soul.

 It was against her wish and he had physically abused her. He had realized that he indeed was nothing but a beast, for the first time he had felt so small.

 He had realized that after endless pain that he had given to her, had outweighed the pain he had been through; in fact it was nothing in front of it. 

He had thought that he would bring justice to his sister, but he had ruined the life of the woman in front of him. 

Despite of the pains, he gave her, she took care of him, she bared his cruelty.

 He had killed her father. The only reason she had lost her family was because of him. But what he did? He never told her about it.

He knew that his actions in either way were not justified at all, but it was justified why she didn't tell him anything because she was scared of monster in him. 

He had created a fear in her then why did he expect her to tell him the truth? What would she have gotten by telling him? His bad remarks? Why did she hide her pregnancy from him? Because she knew that her self respect would be in question. And that little soul in her, was the result of his brutal actions. The little life that grew in her would be a reminder him of his cruelty, his mercilessness, his vindictiveness. He had injured, no injured was not a word he had literally ripped a soul out of her body, to such an extent where it was impossible for even ask for apology with a single hope that he would be forgiven.

 The person he said he loved, was a lie. Person like him couldn't love anyone. Love meant trust and he failed to have in her. And it was not her mistake, if he didn't trust her; it was his problem. 

The woman in front of him had taught him what to be like in love but he had diminished all the sources of love from her life.

He was a storm in her life that ruined everything that she had. And she said she loves the person who erased every hope of happiness in her life? No, he didn't deserve her. She deserved so much better than him. 

Arnav felt that he would go insane. He felt his conscious mind was no longer with him.

Khushi on the other hand was more at peace now. She had confessed her love for him and not by a mere chance she felt any regrets. Her soul was settled; and she knew that her decision was right. 

Whereas, Arnav was trying to fight with the inner turmoil, that never seemed to settle down a bit within him, but grew every moment. 

Without any much effort, the night he had forced her was coming like a motion pictures in front of his eyes. The night that he never forgot.

 The night that never stopped to haunt him and never let him to forget him how merciless he could be. 

Every scene was clear and vivid, highlighting his growing guilt, shame. Compunction inside him was consuming him. Khushi's screams that night that he ignored, were now annihilating his very existence. 

He slowly raised his hands to wipe her tears, but his hands quivered. His very own voice told him to get away from her. And he immediately cringed back and his back the wall.

Khushi quickly looked at him. She had never seen him this scared, broken. 

Her heart palpitated by looking it him. 

His whole form was shuddering, his face had blenched, tears had drenched his t-shirt and he had hugged his knees as he cowered both in fear and shame.

"Arnav ji, what happen to you?" she alertly asked him as she went close to him and cupped his face. Her eyes hovered over his dread face.

But he asked her to move from him. "Khushi, go away from me, please don't come near me, I am a monster, I will hurt you!" he appealed as his voice quivered. "Please, go!" came his shaky growl.

"What are you saying Arnavji? And why are you saying so? You won't...You can't hurt me Arnav ji!"

"Yes, I will," he discord. "You were right Khushi I am a beast. Please, go Khushi. Go away from me!"

Khushi had to do something. She had to get him out of his trance. Otherwise, he would lost his mental imbalance, she knew that just looking at his tumult form.

 "Arnav ji, please listen me!" she said as she cupped his face protectively. 

"Why don't you get I will hurt you? Just like the night I physically abused you!" he growled.

Khushi herself shuddered when he said her that, but more than that she was worried how she would get him out of the abstraction!?

"Arnav ji, you didn't do anything on purpose!" said she with the hope to calm his nerves, but he was not listening her. 

She was even more scared than she was, seeing him at the hospital. 

She calmed her own breathing so that she could help him out. It was now or never. 

"Arnav ji, look whatever happened was not in your hand. You had no idea what you were doing. You were drunk!"

"No, Khushi. I remember I knew. Please, Khushi go I beg you," he said as he folded his hands in front of her.

 "You don't deserve me!" he said as he sobbed. Khushi got up angrily.

"Are you crazy?" she asked. "What has happened to you?"

"Khushi I didn't say anything when you asked whether I have killed your dad. I tell you I was the one killed him. Because of me he died and your brother is due to me in the hospital. I separated you for from your family.!" he said as he brutally hit his hand in the wall.

"Stop it Arnav ji!" she huffed. "Stop blaming yourself. And haven't killed my dad, Rahul did," she told him bringing him back to his senses.

Arnav instantly looked up at her, as another shocking wave of truth came from Khushi's side. 

"Yes, Arnav ji. You haven't. He himself confessed that he had failed the brakes of my dad's car and it so happened that it was your car with which the accident happened. You haven't killed my dad. I am sorry Arnav ji I blamed you for that. I was just blind with the fake truth he told me. And that's what you did. You believed what Rahul told you, you believed what my bhua ji told you. Stop blaming yourself!"

But that was not an excuse for what he did to her. "But I ra...you!" he stammered. He just couldn't say that he had raped her as he felt disgust at himself.

Even though he knew that he should never be forgiven he finally gathered courage to ask for sorry. "I am sorry Khushi!" he said and hugged her stomach. His sobs shook her. Khushi didn't say anything but just hugged him back. She rested her chin on his head and kissed his hair and both of them cried in each other arms.  

But all of sudden he felt her weight on him. He got more conscious and quickly got up on his two feet and balanced her falling weight.

 "Khushi!"

He quickly picked her and laid on the bed. 

He took his phone in his trembling hands and quickly dialed Dr. Sharma's number. Meanwhile, he anxiously rubbed her hands.

"Hello, Dr. Sharma can you please quickly come to RM?...please, as soon as possible...Khushi has fainted," Arnav told her. But nothing came clearly out of his mouth and Dr. Sharma was quite astonished hearing his trembling voice. She told him not to worry as she would be at RM and she indeed was at RM after exactly 10 minutes. She did her check up.

 "Doctor is Khushi fine? Is our child fine? She had vomited few minutes ago? And she..."

"Mr. Raizada, your wife and your baby is perfectly fine. Nausea and dizziness are just normal during pregnancy. But just looks like she had taken too much stress over, whatever had happened last week, and it has taken toll on her health. Mr. Raizada, Khushi had told me that she was mad at you and thought that you had killed her dad and you are the one who tried to separate her from her brother too and that's why she didn't tell you about her pregnancy but she loves you a lot. I have seen love in her eyes. I saw her happy for the first time after so long when she found that she is pregnant with your child. And when you were at hospital she was there every single minute. I know I am no one to talk in between your family matters but please forgive her. Moreover, it's time to get little serious about her health and the baby too. She is already two and a half week pregnant and it's the very early stage keep her stress free as much as possible. So, that there are no complications later on," Dr. Sharma belaboured him.

As usual Arnav was just anesthetize to say anything, but he managed to mumble "Sure and thank you!"

"Not a problem, Mr. Raizada. Bring her tomorrow to the hospital for a  check up. I will run few tests to see how she is doing!? Take care Mr. Raizada!"

***

Soon after doctor Sharma left Arnav closed the door and slowly walked towards the bed. He maintained the distance between her and himself. Every time he hurt her,  came one after another in front of his eyes. Khushi's face admonished him of his inhumane actions. Despite his violent behaviour, she kept quite. She always remained strong, so strong that even after going through so much pain she held herself as firm as possible. He wanted to go towards her, to touch her, feel his baby, but he was afraid to touch her. He was afraid that his crummy hands would make her dirty too. He was afraid that his simple touch would hurt the baby. The hands that every time physically abused her. He took advantage of his strength. Her fowl mouth always had nothing good to say about her. He wanted to run away from her so that she could live a happy life. He wanted to set her free. How come he even think of snatching Khushi from her baby and give it to his sister? It was not only wrong but an immoral act. However, he had no right to leave her in this situation when she needed him the most. He was the one because of whom she had gone through so many pains and he had to he the one to make everything okay in her life. He went close to her and sat by her side on the bed. He first was afraid to touch her, but slowly accumulating the audacity he blandly took her hand in his.

Khushi all of sudden felt his taction. She was going to open her eyes, but didn't when Arnav spoke up.

"Khushi, if you think that I am capable of your apology, please forgive me," he whispered, and wrapped his hands gently around her hand.

His voice was heavy that reflected the lucid pain in his heart. His voice was broken as he was trying to held back his cry and that ultimately made Khushi's heart scrunched. 

"Khushi, when I said I loved you, I lied!" he preluded.

Khushi felt as her heart sank. It wasn't Khushi's eyes but her heart that was shedding tears now. But she didn't respond in any ways.

"Khushi, it was a lie! The truth is I still LOVE you! But you don't deserve me. You don't deserve savage like me," he finally said bringing Khushi's sobbing heart back to life but she felt an ache at his words.

"I still love you, Khushi...If you would ask, I would put my heart in front of you...Khushi, today I want to tell you something that I never found the courage to say it to you...I swear on every breath of mine Khushi, I can't survive without you...Didn't matter how much I tried to hate you, I just couldn't...Every time I gave you pain, I realized that I was hurting myself. Whatever the reasons were, I wasn't suppose to act like an animal that night," Arnav said as he felt a stronger urge to hurt himself.

"No, precious women deserved what I did to you...I am sorry, Khushi!" he said as he snivelled and every said word were filled with guilt. His words were choked in his throat. His cries were making him hard to say anything. 

"You asked me to give you punishment? Khushi, you are getting a punishment. The biggest punishment that you are getting is me!" 

Khushi felt his muscle tensed as he was angry at himself.  "Khushi you didn't deserve such a cruelty from me before and neither now! If you would ask me to get out of your life I will. I will go away from you and your child," he concluded. 

"I haven't done anything to earn an apology. I am not capable of asking for forgiveness after ruining your self-respect, your self-esteem, by snatching the every right from you, by forcing you to marry me, by forcing myself on you. I was so blind with revenge that even when you were in pain I ignored it. Khushi by marrying you I was suppose to protect you, from that Rahul, but what I did? I punished you," Arnav spoke his mind before he had completely broken down. He was crying but it was Khushi's heart that was drenching in his tears. 

"I am sorry my baby!" he said as he laid his head on her tummy and gently put his hand there as he was feeling his presence. "How could I even become a good father, if I couldn't able to become a good person and a husband. I know you must be really angry too with your dad who has hurt your mom in every other possible way!"

Arnav's words had knifed Khushi's heart. She wanted to tell him that just like every time he was judging the situation wrong. He was just conjecturing. She wanted to tell him that just like she wasn't at fault neither he was. She wanted to tell him it wasn't his mistake. She opened her eyes. She raised her hand to touch him, to talk to him but stopped because she didn't want to disturb a father who was feeling the presence of his child. She knew that how much he needed this child. She knew that he was not only a good person, a good husband, but would prove himself the best father! 

Arnav cried like he had never before, he even muffled his sobs and when his body was dry of all the energy and his eyes no longer had any tears to shed he dozed off just in the same position as he was in. His head resting on Khushi's tummy, his body curled to his side.

It was still only 9:30 PM on the clock. Khushi's mind had calmed down seeing Arnav sleeping calmly, but she was worried ones he would be up. She arched her neck slightly to look at his face. His nose was red, tears had dried in his cheeks. She gently ruffled his hair and said "Arnav ji, I forgive you!"

A cold breeze that was blowing outside, made him cold. But Khushi was in no position to get up and to pull blanket on top of him, so she used her feet to move the blanket towards herself and with her hands she pulled it over him and herself.

Today's night was different. 

Despite of all things that took place in recent hours there was a scent of calmness in the air. 

After the disastrous storm in their lives, everything was at rest. The destiny had given them a whole new chance. And Khushi promised to herself that she would use it for agood.   

How long they both would suffer due to others, black deeds? Why would they both blame each other for others evil plans? It surely had taken lot of time for at least one of them to understand. Without any doubt, it was the time to move forward and life had given them the reasons to move on. 

There was one another life, that would bring them together and she was sure of it!

***

"Khushi!" Payal called her as she gently knocked on the door.

"Bhabi, please come in!" Khushi 

replied.

Payal slowly opened the door and got in.

"Is he sleeping?" she whispered.

Payal was awed the way he was sleeping.

"We just came back home! How is he feeling now?"

"He is fine, just had dozed off!"

"Okay, don't worry. He will be up in hour or so. He just can't sleep before 12 I know him. Mary told me you guys haven't eaten your food. Once he is up just come downstairs I will serve food for you guys!"

"It's okay bhabi, I will serve the food!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Khushi assured. 

"Okay, good night dear!"

"Good night, bhabi!"

***

After two hours Arnav woke up. As he slowly opened his eyes the first thing he saw was Khushi's face and realized that he had dozed off. But was relieved that Khushi was sleeping but she wasn't she had closed her eyes waiting for Arnav to wake up. He got up slowly and leaned in to and kissed her forehead and got out of the bed but he was stopped!

"Your baby need one to!" she said.